First off, thank you to all our friends and family for joining us on this journey. Jason and I are very excited to share our news. There are so many of you, we thought this would be a good way to help answer the questions we have been getting.
Jason and I have had a passion for adoption for many years. Before we ever knew if we could biologically have children, we knew we wanted to adopt. We shared this with many of you. Once we got over the mountain of epilepsy, we decided to start our family process. For various reasons, we thought we would try to have a child through biological means. Over the last year, it has become apparent this is not the way we will become parents.
December was very hard on both of us, but me especially. Many of our friends were posting photos of their children around the holidays. If my pregnancy had worked out, I would have been joining you. But it didn't and our home felt empty. I cried all the time. I broke down one night and asked God to help me be stronger, help me know the path he wants me on.
At this point, I started searching for books to help with this process. Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss was my answer. This is a wonderful book from a religious perspective on these topics. Through the study of women in the Bible going through infertility, I learned this is not because of something I did in my past. This has nothing to do with God punishing me. I don't have a child because my time isn't ready.
Elizabeth thought she was never going to be a mother. This was during a time when her only job was to be a good wife and bear heirs for her husband. In many cases in the Bible, this would lead the husband to taking more wives, but Zacharias did not. When they were well past the age of having children, an angel visited them. He said they would have a son and name him John. John will pave the way for the Savior of the world.
I clung to that story. God wasn't punishing Elizabeth, he wasn't ready for her son, John, to be born, yet. God is weaving a tapestry. I'm seeing other people's threads pop up here and there, but He's not ready for my thread. My thread has a place and a purpose, but the timing has to be right or the design will be thrown off.
"While I do not know how long your journey will last, I promise that if you are seeking God in the midst of the pain, you will not always hurt with the intensity you may be feeling right now." ~Jennifer Saake
Around the same time, our small group was doing a study on "going all in" with God. One part I remember told of having obstacles between ourselves and God. These obstacles keep us from experiencing God's full grace and blessings. I immediately thought, "That's me. I'm keeping infertility between God and my heart. I'm thinking more about this than I am God." I chose then to try and stop. I knew it wouldn't happen over night. For every thought I had of infertility, I spent time praising God for blessings in my life.
January came and went. With the start of February, my new Reproductive Endocrinologist called. She had looked at our records from the previous doctor. She couldn't believe he had never been honest with us about our chances of having children. She recommended we move to IVF. I was upset it had taken so long for someone to tell me this, but was not surprised. I wasn't even really upset. Jason and I talked it over and decided we would not do IVF. This was a decision we had made 10 years ago before we ever knew this would become our fate. We had always wanted to adopt and would get back on that path.
Jason and I have had a passion for adoption for many years. Before we ever knew if we could biologically have children, we knew we wanted to adopt. We shared this with many of you. Once we got over the mountain of epilepsy, we decided to start our family process. For various reasons, we thought we would try to have a child through biological means. Over the last year, it has become apparent this is not the way we will become parents.
December was very hard on both of us, but me especially. Many of our friends were posting photos of their children around the holidays. If my pregnancy had worked out, I would have been joining you. But it didn't and our home felt empty. I cried all the time. I broke down one night and asked God to help me be stronger, help me know the path he wants me on.
At this point, I started searching for books to help with this process. Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss was my answer. This is a wonderful book from a religious perspective on these topics. Through the study of women in the Bible going through infertility, I learned this is not because of something I did in my past. This has nothing to do with God punishing me. I don't have a child because my time isn't ready.
Elizabeth thought she was never going to be a mother. This was during a time when her only job was to be a good wife and bear heirs for her husband. In many cases in the Bible, this would lead the husband to taking more wives, but Zacharias did not. When they were well past the age of having children, an angel visited them. He said they would have a son and name him John. John will pave the way for the Savior of the world.
I clung to that story. God wasn't punishing Elizabeth, he wasn't ready for her son, John, to be born, yet. God is weaving a tapestry. I'm seeing other people's threads pop up here and there, but He's not ready for my thread. My thread has a place and a purpose, but the timing has to be right or the design will be thrown off.
"While I do not know how long your journey will last, I promise that if you are seeking God in the midst of the pain, you will not always hurt with the intensity you may be feeling right now." ~Jennifer Saake
Around the same time, our small group was doing a study on "going all in" with God. One part I remember told of having obstacles between ourselves and God. These obstacles keep us from experiencing God's full grace and blessings. I immediately thought, "That's me. I'm keeping infertility between God and my heart. I'm thinking more about this than I am God." I chose then to try and stop. I knew it wouldn't happen over night. For every thought I had of infertility, I spent time praising God for blessings in my life.
January came and went. With the start of February, my new Reproductive Endocrinologist called. She had looked at our records from the previous doctor. She couldn't believe he had never been honest with us about our chances of having children. She recommended we move to IVF. I was upset it had taken so long for someone to tell me this, but was not surprised. I wasn't even really upset. Jason and I talked it over and decided we would not do IVF. This was a decision we had made 10 years ago before we ever knew this would become our fate. We had always wanted to adopt and would get back on that path.
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