Adoption Redirection

In the past few weeks, things have grown worse in the Ukraine. Kazakhstan is closed to American adoptions. Uzbekistan may quickly follow suit. After much internal debate, Jason and I have made the decision to adopt privately here in the U.S.

Several factors played into this. First, we are afraid of selecting a child and the other country closing part way through the process. Our hearts would be broken. Second, I really would like two children, and I'm afraid if the first adoption is too difficult, I won't be able to talk Jason into doing it again. Lastly, I was really concerned about Jason taking that much time off work. He'll take some off for me, but still be here where he can manage his accounts.

We have a wonderful church friend who has given us information on her adoption here in the states. She has advised us to make everyone we know aware of our intentions. Hopefully, someone in our network will know someone who is looking for adoptive parents. Don't be surprised if you get a message from me. Please tell everyone you know. There is a great, christian couple looking to give a baby a forever home, right here. :o)

Is one's love for an adopted child the same as a biological child?

This is a great post from Creating A Family discussing the love of an adopted child v. that of a biological child. I really enjoyed knowing I'm not the only person who worries about this (just a little in the back of my mind).

http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-child/

Our First Adoption Event

On Friday we went to our first adoption event. A local church sponsored it through their adoption ministry. There was an amazing speaker talking about how God calls us to care for the orphans and widows. Jason and I left energized and compelled. I AM one of the good Samaritans. I would stop and help someone in need on the side of the road (have done, actually).

The whole night I kept tearing up at the photos of those adopted. How far I have come! A couple of months ago I was crying in the same church because I couldn't have kids. Now I was crying because I'm so happy my child is, or soon will be, out there.

I would be lying if I didn't say I'm still worrying. I'm a planner. I know my next steps, but am nervous about the steps after those. I wrote a facilitator from Kazakhstan and the Kazak embassy, yesterday. I just want a clear picture on how the process works in their country right now. Most adoption blogs I'm reading are over two years old. So many things have changed since then. I hope they write back with some good information.

I'm also concerned about the amount of time we have to be over there. I know I can take a month or so off and be fine. Jason can't, though. He just started this job and has to work like a mad man to keep it. I know if I continue to trust in the Lord, he will take care of all things. I know this. I have to keep reminding myself it will all work out. 

Kazakhstan

Our second choice is Kazakhstan. This is for the simple reason their minimum age for adoption is 1. While we don't mind adopting at age 1, we would prefer younger. Kazakhstan, just like Uzbekistan, is well aware of the exorbitant prices the adoption agencies charge and prefer to work directly with the parents. Photo listings are illegal for Kazakhstan. The only way to be matched with a child is to go to the country and bond with the child. These countries are more concerned about the parents and child truly bonding than parents thinking a child is pretty and selecting that one. 

The children are of Asian, Eurasian and Caucasian descent, and usually, parents adopting from this country can choose to adopt a child of any ethnic heritage. Children are generally well cared for with only the usual health issues. The entire process takes less than one year. Children who end up in the orphanages of Kazakhstan are typically abandoned at birth at the hospital. This means a minimal amount of the birth parent history may be available, along with some of the child's medical history. These children are usually abandoned due to extreme poverty- because the birth family is unable to provide for them. Children in Kazakhstan are the same races as those from Uzbekistan. 

Picture from a family who adopted from Kazakhstan. Aren't they beautiful?

Kazakhstan has many more adoptions from the U.S. than Uzbekistan. We happen to also have a friend with family ties there which could possibly help us along the way. Just like with Uzbekistan, we will have to travel to the country, hire a facilitator who would help us with travel and language barriers, and stay there for 4-6 weeks while we meet a child and finalize the process. 

The indigenous Kazakhs were a nomadic Turkic people who belonged to several divisions of Kazakh hordes.They grouped together in settlements and lived in dome-shaped tents made of felt called yurts. Their tribes migrated seasonally to find pastures for their herds of sheep, horses, and goats. Although they had chiefs, the Kazakhs were rarely united as a single nation under one great leader. Their tribes fell under Mongol rule in the 13th century and they were dominated by Tartar khanates until the area was conquered by Russia in the 18th century. They gained independence from the former Soviet Republic in 1991. 

Uzbekistan

Uzbekistan is our first choice. Children who are available for adoption by foreigners range from approximately 5-6 months to 14 years of age. There is no national or international adoption registry in Uzbekistan, and children typically become available for adoption/referral once they are admitted to the orphanage at about 1-2 months old, and could be as young as 4-5 months at the time adoption is finalized. 

Most children are of Uzbek descent, with olive skin and slightly Asian features. Uzbekistan represents a variety of ethnic groups, including Uzbek, Russian, Ukrainian, German (all Caucasian races), Kazakh (Mongol race), and Tatar. There are many Slavic and Mongol children as well, making for a very diverse population. All siblings are legally separated when they are admitted to the orphanage, so two children can be adopted simultaneously only when their adoptions are treated totally separately (i.e. a family would prepare and authenticate a separate dossier for each child) All children offered for adoption live in government-supervised orphanages. Adoptive families may choose the age and gender of the child they wish to adopt. There are a large number of children between the ages of 1 and 6 years. The majority of available infants have been abandoned at birth by their birth mothers.

Uzbekistan adoptions are new for the U.S. and Uzbekistan. We recognize additional risks and volatility associated with this new program, but hope this program might be a good fit for families who are able to recognize and manage these risks. There are many children in dire need of a family in Uzbekistan. The majority of children are abandoned at birth by their mothers. In the Uzbekistan culture, alcohol and drug usage are not socially acceptable. Incidences of fetal alcohol syndrome and drug related problem are rare, as well as HIV and Hepatitis C. Children available for adoption are generally healthy. Orphanage physicians carefully select all children for referral to families. The selection is based on current evaluation of the child's health and development. Typical orphanage delays are expected for institutionalized children. All children available for adoption from Uzbekistan are tested for HIV, Hepatitis A and B, Tuberculosis, and Syphilis prior to adoption. History of inoculations is also provided, when available. 

Uzbekistan is one of the lesser known countries that were once a part of the former Soviet Union. It is a fascinating country, with centuries-old history and culture that could not be eradicated even bydecades of communist regime. It is not surprising, therefore, that Uzbekistan's orphanage system similar to that of Russia or other former republics, but adoptions are ultimately decided by mayor offices, the closest thing to elders' council. There have been very few adoptions from Uzbekistan so far, but growing relationship with the West slowly broadens the doors of international adoption in Uzbekistan. 

Uzbekistan is a dry, landlocked country of intensely cultivated, irrigated river valleys. Uzbekistan is the world's second-largest cotton exporter, a large producer of gold and oil, and a producer of chemicals and machinery. The change from a communist government to a capitalist nation has brought change in the social and economic life for the people of Uzbekistan. There is much evidence today of Uzbekistan's struggle to adapt to a new social order.

Most Uzbeks live in densely populated rural communities. There is much evidence of pride in Uzbekistan's rich cultural heritage. Tashkent, the capital, is Central Asia's premier metropolis. It is a modern city of 2.1 million people where the metro is the most convenient way to traverse the city. Its 2,000 year history as a crossroads connecting Europe and China is responsible for monumental architecture, fine museums and sculptures. Old Tashkent is the famous part of the city as it dates back to the 15th century.

Uzbekistan is mostly Muslim (Sunni). The government will force every citizen into labor, especially during the cotton harvest. Cotton is their main source of income, though they are trying to get away from that. Children can be forced to pick cotton for the government. Human trafficking is also rampant there. The average level of education is 12 years. 

Selecting a Country

Several people have asked why we aren't adopting in the U.S. First of all, we can only adopt from a private adoption because of Jason's epilepsy. It's a sad fact that governments and agencies won't accept couples with an epilepsy diagnosis. I also don't like some of the adoption laws and red tape. The birth mother has several months to change her mind about the adoption. The government will come into your home, where you have been taking care of your child, and remove the baby giving it back to the birth mother. 

I have always, always pictured myself holding a child who doesn't look anything like me. When I was trying naturally, it always bothered me that I couldn't imagine my child. I couldn't envision me holding my baby in a hospital. What I can see 100% is a child who doesn't look like me. I can see me going to another country, going through the court system, and returning home with my family a little larger. I can not only see it, but feel it. This is my path. This is exactly where God wants me. 

I started looking at ways we can adopt international. With the epilepsy, any country who has entered into the Hague Agreement, will not accept adopting parents with epilepsy. Jason and I contemplated lying about it. We know we can find a doctor to pronounce him fit, but do we really want to force an adoption?

Through my research, I came across independent international adoptions. These are countries who have not entered into the Hague Agreement. These countries do not allow adoption agencies into the country. Their governments control the process. While this can be riskier (as one has to be willing to do the work oneself), the rewards can be great. The fees are about half what they would be with an agency. They also don't limit based on epilepsy.

Click here to see a list of non-Hague Agreement countries (this is subject to change).

Looking through these countries, a friend recommended Ukraine for adoption. There are a lot of successful stories on adoption from Ukraine on the internet. It looked very promising! After a couple of hours searching, I found where Ukraine has closed all adoptions to foreigners for any child under the age of 6. This won't really work in our case.

On the list, Uzbekistan comes after Ukraine. I started looking at it and Kazakhstan, as those are both in the same region. The children are absolutely beautiful! There are not many adoption stories from the last 3 years, but a new law was just passed which helped open up more adoptions to international families. 

After praying on it, we are sure this is the region for us. We feel this is the direction God is leading us and are extremely excited. 

Background

First off, thank you to all our friends and family for joining us on this journey. Jason and I are very excited to share our news. There are so many of you, we thought this would be a good way to help answer the questions we have been getting. 

Jason and I have had a passion for adoption for many years. Before we ever knew if we could biologically have children, we knew we wanted to adopt. We shared this with many of you. Once we got over the mountain of epilepsy, we decided to start our family process. For various reasons, we thought we would try to have a child through biological means. Over the last year, it has become apparent this is not the way we will become parents. 

December was very hard on both of us, but me especially. Many of our friends were posting photos of their children around the holidays. If my pregnancy had worked out, I would have been joining you. But it didn't and our home felt empty. I cried all the time. I broke down one night and asked God to help me be stronger, help me know the path he wants me on.

At this point, I started searching for books to help with this process. Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss was my answer. This is a wonderful book from a religious perspective on these topics. Through the study of women in the Bible going through infertility, I learned this is not because of something I did in my past. This has nothing to do with God punishing me. I don't have a child because my time isn't ready. 

Elizabeth thought she was never going to be a mother. This was during a time when her only job was to be a good wife and bear heirs for her husband. In many cases in the Bible, this would lead the husband to taking more wives, but Zacharias did not. When they were well past the age of having children, an angel visited them. He said they would have a son and name him John. John will pave the way for the Savior of the world. 

I clung to that story. God wasn't punishing Elizabeth, he wasn't ready for her son, John, to be born, yet. God is weaving a tapestry. I'm seeing other people's threads pop up here and there, but He's not ready for my thread. My thread has a place and a purpose, but the timing has to be right or the design will be thrown off. 

"While I do not know how long your journey will last, I promise that if you are seeking God in the midst of the pain, you will not always hurt with the intensity you may be feeling right now." ~Jennifer Saake

Around the same time, our small group was doing a study on "going all in" with God. One part I remember told of having obstacles between ourselves and God. These obstacles keep us from experiencing God's full grace and blessings. I immediately thought, "That's me. I'm keeping infertility between God and my heart. I'm thinking more about this than I am God." I chose then to try and stop. I knew it wouldn't happen over night. For every thought I had of infertility, I spent time praising God for blessings in my life. 

January came and went. With the start of February, my new Reproductive Endocrinologist called. She had looked at our records from the previous doctor. She couldn't believe he had never been honest with us about our chances of having children. She recommended we move to IVF. I was upset it had taken so long for someone to tell me this, but was not surprised. I wasn't even really upset. Jason and I talked it over and decided we would not do IVF. This was a decision we had made 10 years ago before we ever knew this would become our fate. We had always wanted to adopt and would get back on that path.