Our First Adoption Event

On Friday we went to our first adoption event. A local church sponsored it through their adoption ministry. There was an amazing speaker talking about how God calls us to care for the orphans and widows. Jason and I left energized and compelled. I AM one of the good Samaritans. I would stop and help someone in need on the side of the road (have done, actually).

The whole night I kept tearing up at the photos of those adopted. How far I have come! A couple of months ago I was crying in the same church because I couldn't have kids. Now I was crying because I'm so happy my child is, or soon will be, out there.

I would be lying if I didn't say I'm still worrying. I'm a planner. I know my next steps, but am nervous about the steps after those. I wrote a facilitator from Kazakhstan and the Kazak embassy, yesterday. I just want a clear picture on how the process works in their country right now. Most adoption blogs I'm reading are over two years old. So many things have changed since then. I hope they write back with some good information.

I'm also concerned about the amount of time we have to be over there. I know I can take a month or so off and be fine. Jason can't, though. He just started this job and has to work like a mad man to keep it. I know if I continue to trust in the Lord, he will take care of all things. I know this. I have to keep reminding myself it will all work out. 

Selecting a Country

Several people have asked why we aren't adopting in the U.S. First of all, we can only adopt from a private adoption because of Jason's epilepsy. It's a sad fact that governments and agencies won't accept couples with an epilepsy diagnosis. I also don't like some of the adoption laws and red tape. The birth mother has several months to change her mind about the adoption. The government will come into your home, where you have been taking care of your child, and remove the baby giving it back to the birth mother. 

I have always, always pictured myself holding a child who doesn't look anything like me. When I was trying naturally, it always bothered me that I couldn't imagine my child. I couldn't envision me holding my baby in a hospital. What I can see 100% is a child who doesn't look like me. I can see me going to another country, going through the court system, and returning home with my family a little larger. I can not only see it, but feel it. This is my path. This is exactly where God wants me. 

I started looking at ways we can adopt international. With the epilepsy, any country who has entered into the Hague Agreement, will not accept adopting parents with epilepsy. Jason and I contemplated lying about it. We know we can find a doctor to pronounce him fit, but do we really want to force an adoption?

Through my research, I came across independent international adoptions. These are countries who have not entered into the Hague Agreement. These countries do not allow adoption agencies into the country. Their governments control the process. While this can be riskier (as one has to be willing to do the work oneself), the rewards can be great. The fees are about half what they would be with an agency. They also don't limit based on epilepsy.

Click here to see a list of non-Hague Agreement countries (this is subject to change).

Looking through these countries, a friend recommended Ukraine for adoption. There are a lot of successful stories on adoption from Ukraine on the internet. It looked very promising! After a couple of hours searching, I found where Ukraine has closed all adoptions to foreigners for any child under the age of 6. This won't really work in our case.

On the list, Uzbekistan comes after Ukraine. I started looking at it and Kazakhstan, as those are both in the same region. The children are absolutely beautiful! There are not many adoption stories from the last 3 years, but a new law was just passed which helped open up more adoptions to international families. 

After praying on it, we are sure this is the region for us. We feel this is the direction God is leading us and are extremely excited. 

Background

First off, thank you to all our friends and family for joining us on this journey. Jason and I are very excited to share our news. There are so many of you, we thought this would be a good way to help answer the questions we have been getting. 

Jason and I have had a passion for adoption for many years. Before we ever knew if we could biologically have children, we knew we wanted to adopt. We shared this with many of you. Once we got over the mountain of epilepsy, we decided to start our family process. For various reasons, we thought we would try to have a child through biological means. Over the last year, it has become apparent this is not the way we will become parents. 

December was very hard on both of us, but me especially. Many of our friends were posting photos of their children around the holidays. If my pregnancy had worked out, I would have been joining you. But it didn't and our home felt empty. I cried all the time. I broke down one night and asked God to help me be stronger, help me know the path he wants me on.

At this point, I started searching for books to help with this process. Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss was my answer. This is a wonderful book from a religious perspective on these topics. Through the study of women in the Bible going through infertility, I learned this is not because of something I did in my past. This has nothing to do with God punishing me. I don't have a child because my time isn't ready. 

Elizabeth thought she was never going to be a mother. This was during a time when her only job was to be a good wife and bear heirs for her husband. In many cases in the Bible, this would lead the husband to taking more wives, but Zacharias did not. When they were well past the age of having children, an angel visited them. He said they would have a son and name him John. John will pave the way for the Savior of the world. 

I clung to that story. God wasn't punishing Elizabeth, he wasn't ready for her son, John, to be born, yet. God is weaving a tapestry. I'm seeing other people's threads pop up here and there, but He's not ready for my thread. My thread has a place and a purpose, but the timing has to be right or the design will be thrown off. 

"While I do not know how long your journey will last, I promise that if you are seeking God in the midst of the pain, you will not always hurt with the intensity you may be feeling right now." ~Jennifer Saake

Around the same time, our small group was doing a study on "going all in" with God. One part I remember told of having obstacles between ourselves and God. These obstacles keep us from experiencing God's full grace and blessings. I immediately thought, "That's me. I'm keeping infertility between God and my heart. I'm thinking more about this than I am God." I chose then to try and stop. I knew it wouldn't happen over night. For every thought I had of infertility, I spent time praising God for blessings in my life. 

January came and went. With the start of February, my new Reproductive Endocrinologist called. She had looked at our records from the previous doctor. She couldn't believe he had never been honest with us about our chances of having children. She recommended we move to IVF. I was upset it had taken so long for someone to tell me this, but was not surprised. I wasn't even really upset. Jason and I talked it over and decided we would not do IVF. This was a decision we had made 10 years ago before we ever knew this would become our fate. We had always wanted to adopt and would get back on that path.